It is well . . .
Every time it happens, a part of me still feels like that 8 year old kid that doesn’t quite understand the permanence. Gone. Forever. What does that mean? I know what it means but I don’t really. That’s what I’ve been told but how is someone or your dog here and then they’re not? How do you go from sharing love and life to it just stopping? How do you exchange affection and story for years and then you don’t? My brain and understanding always shifts from rational man to confused boy. Heart and head at odds once again.
Because the heart, the spirit, is eternal. We’ve yet to measure it. It can’t be weighed. There’s no gravity. We call it connection, affection, dopamine etc but that’s because it’s just the best we got. The only labels. So elementary. But nothing, no scale, can measure that deep ache when loss occurs. No pill or drink resolves anything but the momentary forgetfulness that’s induced. Because in those moments, when physical life is torn from the spiritual, the great dissolving, it can make you feel so very alien in your body, as if light is inside and is running through your veins looking for an exit. Each beat of the heart makes it grow in intensity- It’s as if that ache is trapped and wants to follow them back home . . . wherever that is. It becomes so very evident, through tears, that something profound, that transcends the here and now, is at work. We often just forget about it. We tune it out because the mystery is too great. We create stories that replace the drink or pill so we can forget about it for the time and give us peace.
But last night, as I walked down the dark road with Sully, even though she was just a dog, the physical and spiritual came into sharp contrast once again. The ache said, “I am here.” The light raced. The word love just wasn’t enough. My body wanted to hold onto hers because that is all you’re left with. But as I dug her grave under the moonlight, I let my spirit separate from my body. I stopped fighting to understand and said over and over, “It is well with my soul.” A heavy peace fell- wherever her sweet soul went, mine followed and left trail marks along the way so I could find her once again. Because unlike physical life, our spiritual knows no time or boundary. It’s not confined to condition or circumstance.
For all time.
To be in union with Love and all that springs from from it.
It is well.