Love the Process
It’s his second tournament he’s ever played in. The U12 bracket is full of impressive kids that have been to many environments like this before; veterans of the energy and pressure that competitions like this bring. They have all the gear. Their technique is shockingly flawless for their age. Some have what look like to be coaches on the sideline.
Landon has me and our love of playing pickleball together the last 10 months.
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He’s an incredibly fiery competitor, my little guy is. Losing often seems to be a near death experience for him. I get it as he is me.
We’ve been playing solo together for the majority of the last year as adults see a skinny 9/10 yr old on the court and you can see them intentionally ignore your presence, hoping you don’t ask to play. Adults don’t want their games “ruined” by a kid. So we worked for months to get him to a place to earn his spot.
Over the last 6 months I told him straight up how adults view kids. How you’re usually unwanted and have to earn your invite. I told him that it doesn’t feel good but it’s just how it is. But it didn’t start as getting in games, rather just another sport that we love playing together. Something else that marks time and builds bonds that I’ll hold dear forever.
His skill has progressed rapidly so I asked if he’d like to play in some tourneys that the PPA was putting on this spring. It would be the first time that kids could play alongside the pro’s in these national events. His naive eyes lit up when I asked him about 3 months ago and so it began. We went from casual play to intentional practice and play at least 4 times a week. There was a purpose now; a focus.
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Understanding who he is, Nat and I have drilled home that the outcome of his games over his short life isn’t our focus but rather how he plays and what he learns. We often see his self loathing knee cap his performance when he plays in ways that disappointment his own expectations. The goal of winning creates an immense burden that grows with each passing point. He’s a perfectionist, and an impatient one at that, so this 10 year old boy can turn into a hurricane in a very short amount of time when outcome doesn’t meet self expectation.
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As we pulled up to the venue today, I knew that the level of talent there would probably mean an early exit. Winning the singles bracket wasn’t even on my mind. Heartburn was brewing as I could project what getting beat would feel like to him. As we walked to the first game I reminded him that he needed to remember these four things:
1. Remain calm. Take deep breaths.
2. Remain confident. Each point is the focus. On to the next.
3. He is loved and I am proud no matter what.
4. We play to learn. We learn to win. Love the process!!
His first draw was what I had hoped for; a decent player that, although bigger in stature, was a bit wild. Landon made quick work and ended the match in two sets. His smile was wide walking off the court. He was relaxed and relieved.
Next up was a kid from NJ that had two years on him and about 30 lbs and 12” of wing span. The difference in physicality in his bracket can be quite significant. As I watched them warm up, I could see this kid was far more practiced and powerful than the first match. I could see Landon raise his eye brows when he looked over at me. His little shoulders looked a bit tense. I winked and mouthed, “Relax. Deep breaths.”
The match started off fast. The kid scored 5 straight points. Landon dropped his paddle and called timeout. His eyes were already wild with frustration and anger. When he gets like this, like any of us, skill goes out the window. There’s no focus just emotional reaction.
His breathing is fast and heavy. Not because he’s tired but because he’s enraged. I kneel down and put my hands on his shoulders. His held is tilted all the way back and his eyes are puddled with tears he’s fighting to let gravity keep back. More than losing, he hates being embarrassed and this was shaping up to be an embarrassing beating. I knew that’s where his head was.
I knelt down and said, “Buddy, take a breath! The match has just started. Don’t end it now! Believe in how you have prepared. I don’t care what the score is. When you are out there, the one thing I want you to remind yourself of when you feel the pressure mounting is that my papa loves me! He is proud of me. Nothing else matters. Nothing else. And breath.”
I wiped the tears away and back onto the court he walked. Jersey kid scored 3 more points. But Landon was holding up. He won back the serve and then the next. He couldn’t score but he was holding him. Jersey scored another point . . . 9–1. The game was to 11. No one, even the best, come back from being down this bad. Landon serves up an ace. Finally a point on the board for him. Little intangible energy shots went into his arm.
Another winner followed by 2 unforced errors by Jersey. It is 9–4. He did a little fist pump and I smiled. He had already won in my book because he recovered emotionally. The next point was truly fun to watch as both boys were flying around the court, returning amazing shots, and ended by another point for Landon. I couldn’t contain the excitement as I clapped and yelled. Jersey kid was growing frustrated. Landon hopped on his toes as confidence was in full bloom even though he was down 9–5.
Five points later and Landon was serving for the game at 10–9. I was holding my breath. I couldn’t believe he had clawed his way back against this talented kid (who ended up taking Silver in the tourney.) He lost the serve and then committed an unforced error. Tie game. I could see him grip and re-grip the paddle. The moment far bigger for him than it actually was . . . or was it?
There’s no fairy tale ending as he ended up losing 12–10 but I told him immediately after the match ended that he absolutely had won in my book because he had defeated his biggest adversary . . . himself! I wanted to grab him and squeeze the life out of his little body but another game was 1 minute away so I reminded him again of what I said before the day had begun.
I love you and we’re here to learn. KNOW that!
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These moments I’ve had with my boy in the arena of sport the last 3 years, as his coach in football, basketball and now pickle is something that’s changed me not just him. I didn’t have a dad that liked or understood the value of sports so this whole experience is uncharted territory for me. I don’t know if I’m “doing it right” but I do know what life holds in store for him and also know that how we frame all of this is how I hope he frames the valleys and mountains of his own journey.
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As I’ve coached him, it’s helped me put words to how I perceive and approach this life . . .
We are here to learn; to be curious, proactive, dedicated, intentional and committed to the paths we choose. The learning process is hard. Lots of mistakes will be made and failures experienced. Lots of losses before any wins. Sometimes these life losses can feel like life will end . . . but it won’t. So we need to see that it’s on to the next and believe there’s hope in a different outcome.
And when we learn, when we see the value/lesson in loss and failure, we succeed and/or win in areas of life that are important to us. And what success looks like may actually change in appearance or desired outcome as life goes on. Why you want to succeed now may not be why you do later. Success has all different forms. Allow that and look for it!
But no matter what, through it all, LOVE THE PROCESS! Life is too full of beauty, growth and experience to not realize how valuable the process is. Life will pass you by if you don’t love it. Your eyes will always be down the road, waiting for more wins that may never come but the process, everyone can experience and enjoy that.
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So to my only son. My ride or die. My fiery competitor. I hope you read this years from now and smile because you have so many memories of a dad by your side that kept whispering, “You are loved no matter what. I am proud. Take a breath. I’m here! Love the process my boy . . . Now let’s get after this!”
