There is no Destination

As I was going through some old boxes recently, I found a journal with entries dated spring of ’00. I was brand new to Florida and a new life. I had left my home town for the first time. The words dripped of youthful angst but also still rang true 25 years later.

As a teenager/young adult, I always viewed my elders, especially those in middle age (35–55 yrs old), to be in control of their life. Thoughts, emotions, the big Questions . . . all seemed to be reconciled or purposefully out of control. I had assumed that time, experience and education brought life into focus.

Oh, how I know that’s not the case now.

The destination is often a mirage, a moving target due to life. The variables change as do your circumstances, relationships and values. The greater complexity made strong by the disappointments, failures, heartbreak and loss, spin a web that many adults can’t see through so they settle into dysfunction or create strong boundaries of “truth” that simply provide safety for them but are shadowed by hypocrisy or incongruencies when you dig a bit deeper. But the clarity, the reconciling of what Life is, are still far out of reach for most whether they admit, or even recognize, it themselves. From my experience, if you get them in a safe, quiet place, where they can speak freely without feeling shame or judgement, you’ll see the light shine bright through all the cracks that seem imperceptible from afar. I love that and don’t have a problem with it but my younger self would.

Why? Because it’s inauthentic to promote an existence of surefire answers that don’t exists when you have the life data to support that but your mouth says otherwise. It’s fascinating to see life through the lens of my 45 yr old eyes, to have a solid amount of time and experience under my belt, and realize that we are awash in incredulous humans that ultimately, are so because uncertainty is worse than death to most. The thought of living a life that’s clear/safe parameters elude us is just too much.

But isn’t that the beauty in our journey? Isn’t the anxiety in not knowing really just directing us all to focus on the path we walk, and the people we are with, not the mirage of destinations we often put our hope in? Because if you zoom out, you’ll realize that almost none of the big things are fully in your control:

• Sickness can come for us all at any point.
• Investments can be taken by a market swing.
• Family is made up of people making their owns decisions that may or may not align with yours.
• Jobs can evaporate in the length of a phone call.
• Life partners can leave without advanced warning . . . and on the list goes.

But the point of this isn’t to lead you into a pool of despair but rather encourage you to live with incredible intention and purpose today. We are not promised tomorrow. You are not promised a happy life in 10 years. You are not promised continued health and wealth. But you can define and honor what’s important in your life today, this week and month. The path may be much less defined than you once thought but it need not be.

The path is created by you! Every single life is a new path. We are given the tools (some equipped with less than others) but we all have something to start making our way through the forest, fields, mountains and rivers. The tools are often found along the journey or we have to stop and make them as we go but they are all there waiting for us. They exist in the the space of emotion, intellect, relationships and spirit. Some are obvious in use but most require some patient learning and discipline. Others you may carry your whole life and not fully understand what they’re for. But they are all there. Use them! Explore them. Get frustrated . . . and then try again. Get lost and then find your way back.

But it all, the lack of clarity, the scar tissue, the confusion can never be the focus as we walk our paths but rather the great Re-director to what guides us best: humility, purpose, hope, resilience, intention, trust, faith . . . all framed by a border that is pliable in shape, form and function.

Don’t resort to being a middle aged person that appears, but ultimately fails, to have found all the answers. The younger generation needs mentors that can help direct and support so they are ready for whatever may come but have the foundation to deal with it all. Because if they’ve built a foundation on answers that never come, they are left to realize this and deal with it in ways that often manifest poorly later. They may medicate the symptoms rather than addressing the root. Let’s give them strong roots!