We All Have Cockroaches . . .
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The irony was as thick as the summer air- “Only racist Christians and those like them home school their children around here,” she said to my wife.
She has known Natalie for all of a couple days, not knowing our belief system, background or greater reasons for decisions but somehow thought it was ok to share her very cutting opinion on our decision to homeschool our children this year. She didn’t listen or ask why but just offered that mostly “bigots” make up that group.
She is well educated and has worked in higher ed administration her entire life. She is not young. She has much in the way of experience. Nat, being a more passive and introverted person, was taken aback by the bullets of judgement in the form of words.
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What continually strikes me about this interaction and many like it, is that bigotry isn’t only for the hillbilly conservative but finds itself quite at home in the liberal elite. It may be preferentially called bias for you but theirs is bigotry. Both have a blind self righteousness that makes them more alike than different. I find the finger pointing fascinating because latent prejudice/bigotry abounds in all of us. Not because we’re bad people but because we’re . . . people. It’s usually not a huge monster but like a couple cockroaches in the corners of our heart.
If you’re saying, “Not me!!!” Well, I’d beg to argue while holding up a mirror. But no one owns their level of prejudice/bigotry because only those that “hate” are labeled that. And I/me/you can’t possibly be part of a hateful group as it’s only “them.” This blind self righteousness inhibits the progress we all want though. Because it’s not honest or authentic! It’s out of touch with your muddied core. It implies that you/me/we somehow have zero unfounded/negative/generalized feelings toward a people group. In my 40+ years I have not met one of you so pure in heart and mind : )
Again, in my experience, you eventually hear in someones voice or conversation statements that have a, lets call it, distaste for a religious, ethnic or socio-economic group. They have little tolerance for them. There’s no energy expended to hear them out or live alongside or learn. It’s a base-line position of, “They’re wrong. So I’ll convince them why they’re wrong and hopefully legislation will be passed to show them as much.”
THAT is the reality of our world. Because we are constantly seeing and experiencing life, creating or reinforcing stereotypes, and making sweeping judgements, many unfounded, from there. All of us do it, even the sweet, old lady next door that we just met.
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So maybe don’t run from the blind spots in your life, leaving them only for the poor and uneducated, and start to see and work on the corners you hide. Maybe your experience does back up your bigotry. Maybe you have been wronged numerous times by a particular group. Maybe it’s valid in your life but does that mean it extends to all mankind? Does it mean that your frustration, fear or anxiety is the best way to deal with it? And I’ll say this, it’s far worse to leave your latent prejudice unchecked because you don’t want to be viewed at “hateful.”
Because those labeling everything as hate are actually short circuiting the long road to what reconciliation/tolerance/equality requires and how a complex culture operates. They’re slamming the door on the millennia of culture and family that we all carry in our bones. They aren’t allowing us the time to see ourselves in the mirror and decide if this is who we are and what we believe.
I am imperfect. I own my prejudice. I may not agree with you now but I’d like to know more so I can continue to learn. I will be patient and listen. And maybe I don’t end up changing so does that make me a hateful person or one with a few cockroaches in his kitchen?
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